The Start of a Shift in Mentalityby Kenneth Rayman on April 13, 2019
Brendon kept mentioning the “car accident” in the videos I saw for his book, “The Charge,” while mentioning his ATV accident as well, shortly before it was written and published. Even though you could differentiate between the two, the car accident details remained a mystery until I found this video. I could finally understand where he came from, both as a person and with his professional philosophy. I related to his pivotal moment of standing on the car hood reflecting on his life and it’s direction when you’re faced with your own mortality. My own health scares and family’s scares have led to inner reflection many times but they were, up until recently, momentary no matter how jarring.
Before buying the book, though my mentality shift had just started, I was looking for the motivation to keep going. With this, I could understand the concept of caged, comfortable and charged lives that formed his own shift against my own. I had lived my entire life wanting something more but fear ruled my upbringing and by extension my own thinking; therefore, all I knew was the caged life. All the times I said, “They don’t understand,” set up the failure by acting out of fear and scarcity. Even though I may have been right at times (like being told I wasn’t doing enough to find work yet having an application list 14 pages long) I did myself no favors by reacting aggressively.
I got into the comfortable life getting heavily into personal growth. I saw the shift but eventually the effects plateaued or became excuses. I saw dramatic changes in my day-to-day behavior, approaching problems and issues with less conflict, but the actual problem kept getting excused away or shown little interest. A personal fault reappearing was met by “oh, it happened again. Sorry about that.” meaning I wasn’t dealing with it or even accepting it and realized I was “fine” doing that. It stirred me to recognize each occurrence happened the same way too, often because I was chasing a moving goal post. Brendon might say that was in part due to the “comfortable life,” yet I felt it necessary to own my part in it’s stagnation.
Where the Charged life comes into play is when you reach that point where you question what you’ve always believed to be “tried and true” asking whether it’s been truly what you wanted. Was what I was doing leading to anything? Up to that point, I thought my change in behavior was a secret unlock to the next career step. Instead, I saw the chase of an elusive money figure to stop me from being in the red every month. When I got to the position that I’d coveted for so long, my enthusiasm instead waned seeing myself relegated to tasks ticked off a sheet rather than value creation through relationship building.
Is what I’m doing bringing me true happiness? If life ended right now, would I be happy with what I’d done? No, so I decided to do something outlandish. I decided I had the means to book a trip to Russia, which was my dream. While there, I saw I wasn’t just lit up by being there; I was lit up by what I was learning, who I met, and who I talked to. Back home, I found myself missing the feeling while travelling. IT WASN’T, however, a desire to not be responsible and productive. Rather it was the feeling of true purpose, finally finding what made me come alive.
He showed me to live my life by going for the answers I sought in life. When he said, “the questions you’re asking yourself every single day creates your life,” I saw how to finally design my own. When Brendon said, “…well, next time I’m going to ask those questions, I’m going to live my life so that I’m so happy with the answers at the end,” I felt the motivation I was looking for. I understood that I wanted to forge my own path, rather than chase which had produced roadblock after roadblock, failure after failure, and personal problem after personal problem up until then. Clearly that wasn’t working.
I found this video way before Russia and it’s people and places brought me to life but it planted the seed that allowed me to take charge of my life instead of living my life. Others would till the ground, cultivate, and fertilize the seed he planted but he, and this, were where my life shifted for the better. I, like everyone else, question my choices as difficulty arises but I never doubt, seeing instead a challenge to create another solution, effort, or connection. The shift you make, can change your whole life, no matter how small you may think it is.
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