Finding My Way Through Habit Building

by Kenneth Rayman on June 13, 2017
The first few months of my development were very hard. I focused on feeling my body react as well as “being in the moment.” I worried though that I was not going to be able to do it without overthinking. I, for example, would say under my breath, “look at the way that tree is swaying in the wind. Are you in the moment?” making it a point to keep my focus. But I wondered if that was counterproductive. Was it going to burn me out? Was it a crutch?

The other thing was the self-talk that I had dealt with since my teenage years. My inner monologue was almost entirely negative and depressed in nature. Brendon’s video, “How To Reprogram Your Mind (for Positive Thinking),” gave a me process to combat this. He talked about negative thoughts being easy to focus on rather than challenging your brain to think about something actively. Rather than trying to change, your brain says, “This is easy, let’s do easy not hard,” and basically switches to Auto-pilot. His concept for this was R.W.I.D. (Relative Weight of Importance and Duration), meaning that any time you had a thought that was negative, train yourself to switch it around and say, “How important is this? How much weight of importance does this have? Should I give it weight in time (duration) or let it go? Will it help me right now?” Those questions helped me focus my attention on the process, rather than the moment strictly. The other concept was to stop and think any time I had a moment to myself and ask myself his question, “What are my thoughts right now?” preventing any unhelpful monologue from having any weight. And if one did start, I quickly said under my breath, “self-talk,” to recognize to switch my tune.

His videos on Rejection (a big fear), perfectionism, and confidence gave me processes or just reality checks to work on in conjunction with the reading and as well as a way to relax and not be so worried about what was around me. He also touched on something that I didn’t want to do. He spoke of the need to recognize when change was needed in life, work, or association. I loved my company at the time but I was tired of the job itself. One day, I didn’t want to go to work and kept looking at the clock saying, “Five more minutes won’t make me late.” I knew then that I was done with the job, itself, and made sure to leave on good terms, to come back to the company when I was ready for the next opportunity.

Gary provided me a point for venting as well as learning during this time. His DailyVee vlog showed me that focus would determine the course, but you had to act or all the planning in the world would go nowhere. I loved his taglines and realized that he was being true with everyone, trying to build them up and to act on their decisions. He spoke of personal development (self-awareness) from an action standpoint, but it shocked me that he spoke of personal development at all. He wasn’t, though. He was talking about knowing yourself and acting on it, acting accordingly, to recognize your strengths, and not be tricked into investing time in fixing the unfixable within yourself.

He said something in his WeWork Boston keynote that I had to rewind to make sure I heard him correctly. His bluntness, he believes, brings value by being real on strength and weakness but he is crippled, privately, with confrontation. Once more, he proved why I gravitated toward him, I saw the value he was bringing but I was crippled in the same way as him. Self-awareness, he said, will show you what your strengths are, perfect your focus, and allow you to leave external threats to their own (negative people, opinions, actions). He said this makes you internally happy and allows you to gain an understanding of those around you, building empathy for them and the process of execution.

With both Brendon and Gary, I was mapping out a plan of action and a way to get it done. My mindset was key, as both stressed the need to focus on positivity; Brendon on the shift of direction, Gary on practicality and action. Self-awareness was a game changer for me, as it opened doors that I didn’t know existed. Self-awareness allowed me to stop the worry about “crutches,” “focus,” or telling myself “Hey! Self-talk!” Self-awareness allowed me to live.